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The Dude's Weekly MLB Standings Update

theDUDE

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The Dude's Weekly MLB Standings Update
« on: August 18, 2014, 01:07:33 PM »
Right now baseball is the only relevant sport.  NFL preseason sucks compared to the regular season.  Let's talk some baseball with my brand new MLB weekly standings update.

AL East

Orioles lead Yankees by 7 games and Blue Jays by 7.5 games.  Looks like the black birds will finish in first in the AL East.  I'm sorry if Orioles third baseman Manny Machado thinks my black birds comment towards the Orioles is racist.  I can see why people think that is unprofessional.  I am not sorry about the fact that Machado is an injury prone mediocre piece of shit compared to Cal Ripken Jr.  Red Sox have stinky feet and the Rays got stung by the ghost of Steve Irwin after they traded David Price to the Tigers.

AL Central

Royals are in first place.  The day the Royals finish in first is the day the Dude stops eating delicious left overs from Burger King and starts devouring shitty happy meal leftovers at the mega penis fast foot chain known as McDonalds.  The day the Royals win the world series will be the day the Dude scares little kids on Halloween by wearing a Ronald McDonald mask by barking at 40 year old dads and hot ass milfs.  Wearing a Ronald McDonald Halloween mask is like showing people why McDonald's lovers are proud supporters of the devil.  The Tigers look like they will get the wild card.  Ransom's tribe are on the outside looking in because some perceive the Indians team name to be racist.  It pisses me off when I see the Indians logo smiling.   It's almost like the Indians are promoting racism in hopes of prostituting the customer because there are a few rich native americans that own Casinos.  Saying a majority of native americans owning casinos is very racist statement on Donald Sterling like levels.  Saying a few is a general statement, but liberals will get pissed off whenever you mention native americans owning a casino in the same sentence.  CHOICE OF WORDS MATTERS!  White Sox and Twins or as I like to call them the Chicago Whale Sperm and the Minnesota Ta Ta's suck.

AL West

Looks like the Athletics and Angels are going to the MLB Playoffs.  We knew this before the trade deadline.  The same way most of us knew the Angels Rally Monkey probably has ADD.

NL East

Nationals lead the Braves by 6 games and Strausburg is back.  Washington has this.  Besides Atlanta everyone else in the NL East is out of the playoff picture at this point.

NL Central

Brewers and Cardinals both have wild card spots.  Pirates and Braves tied for final wild card spot.  Love to see these teams finish with the same record at 64-60.  Want to see the Braves beat the Pirates in a play in game to determine who faces the other wild card team.  Why?  Because the Pirates hate the Braves and there is nothing more epic than our children getting pissed off at the Braves after our parents watched Atlanta give Barry Bonds VIP Treatment in the NLCS during the early 90's.  Why do you think COWPOTE calls every Pittsburgh sports team the Pittsburgh Pansies?

NL West

The Giants VS Dodgers rivalry continues to be epic.  Odds are only one of these teams will take the West.  At the beginning of the season, the Giants held this division in check.  In June, the Dodgers starting pitchers returned to full health.  L.A. has been hot ever since.  Thing is the Dodgers have lost 3 in a row and the Giants have won 2 in a row.  Dodgers VS Giants game will be fun, but everyone else is a Wild Wild West Spent Condom in the NL West BABY.

The Dude loves Birdies.  Gonna predict an Cardinals over Orioles world series.  St. Louis will not lose to Baltimore if they get back to the ship.  The Cards lost to the Red Sox in last years world series plus Baltimore having home field in the world series will motivate St. Louis to outpitch them.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2014, 01:15:27 PM by theDUDE »
My name is the Dude, I'm a yellow lab and I kick ass at life and in the after life.  I'm an all around badass dog that loves sports.  Let's go San Francisco 49ers.  I love licking a quarterback's chops like Patrick Willis. Can Colin Kaepernick, the K-man fetch me a freakin bone? P.S. I love balloons